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If you’re returning to your partner:
Picking up where you left off in a relationship may be more difficult than you expect. You and your partner will have adjusted to living apart, so it's understandable that you both may feel anxious about living together again. You may not be sure how to get started with everyday things like having sex and working out money.
The key is to talk to your partner about your thoughts and any uncertainties you have before you get out, and to keep talking after your release. It’s easy to get carried away inside prison with ideas about what your lives will look like when you get back together; if your partner tells you you’re being unrealistic or getting carried away, listen!
Any problems you had in your relationship before you went to prison will probably still be there when you get out.
If, for example, your relationship was violent or there were lots of arguments, you may find these patterns return after your release, even though you may have hoped things would change. If things aren’t working out, it’s important to seek help.
You can contact Relationships Australia at 1300 364 277 or Interrelate at 1300 473 528. They provide relationship and family counselling, couples counselling and family counselling and mediation.
1800 RESPECT is also a 24 hour national service for domestic or family violence and abuse. Contact them on 1800 737 732.
A relationship that starts in prison can be very intense, because you often have a lot of time to focus on it, and very few distractions. Even if you know each other really well, spending more time with each other outside of prison means you will learn a lot more about your partner; maybe some things that you weren’t expecting.
You may feel prison has changed you, or you may be confused by your feelings and behaviour. Being withdrawn or having mood swings and angry outbursts are common after being released. It’s all part of the difficult process of readjusting from prison life to family life. Suddenly you’re faced with a whole new set of demands, which may impact your moods.
It’s important to know that what helps people survive in prison may be unhelpful back home. In prison, violence and intimidation are often used to ‘solve’ conflict. At home, those tactics could destroy your relationship with your family and land you back inside. Having the skill to listen and communicate openly are essential to maintaining a good relationship with your partner, family and friends.
If you do find yourself having problems, relationship or family counselling can help. Don’t wait until your relationship is on the rocks or your family is falling apart. It’s better to see someone early, when things are easier to resolve.
Living with parents after your release can have practical, emotional and financial advantages, but it can also be stressful. Parents of people released from prison often worry that their child is going to reoffend or use drugs again. They often try to control them or monitor their behaviour. If your parents do this, remember, it’s because they care about you.
However, feeling that you’re being watched over, or that your parents don’t trust you, can be hard. You can even feel tempted to do something rash just to break out. Remember, the decision not to reoffend or use drugs is about what you want for your life. You’re not doing it for them.
Tell your parents what’s helpful and not helpful for you in terms of their support. It may be useful for them to hear from you how their actions are affecting you.
Remember that while you live in your parents’ house it’s reasonable for them to expect you to live by their rules. If you can’t do this, then you’ll need to look for your own place.
People often really look forward to returning to their family after prison. But many people say that after the ‘honeymoon period’ is over, it can be difficult.
Children can react in lots of different ways when a parent comes home from prison. They may be extremely happy, but they also may be upset and confused because you were away for so long. Younger children may not remember a time when you were at home with them. Older children may have taken on family responsibilities, and for a time may resent the changes that come with their mother or father returning home.
Remember, they need to hear from you that you love them. Try not to be too hurt if they give you a hard time. They won’t understand that you didn’t mean to go to prison, and they may feel that you’ve let them down. Listen and try to understand how your children feel rather than being defensive. They’ll settle down if you can be patient and are prepared to work to regain their trust.
Perhaps some other family member took on the parenting role while you were in prison. You may need to regain their trust, as well as your children’s, as you and the person who has been looking after your children work out exactly what roles each of you will play in your children’s lives.
If your child was placed in their care through a court order, you may benefit from legal advice to find out what steps are involved in resuming care for your children.
In prison, the one thing you have control over is your cell. If your cell was always spotless, you may find it difficult to cope with children who leave toys everywhere and make a huge mess. It can help to remember that this is normal behaviour for children.
Remember though, while you can teach children to tidy up after themselves, you can’t stop them behaving like children. While you may have had control over the sound level in your cell, insisting on having complete control over your environment will only create more stress for you and your children.
It can be hard enough to look after yourself in the early days post-release, let alone a demanding child. Some children may become particularly ‘clingy’ when their parent returns home from prison. This may be due to their fear of being separated from you again.
It’s important to get support if you feel you or your children aren’t coping. Don’t wait until things build up to the point where you lash out, take drugs or do something else that might hurt you or your children.
Reach out to family and friends, and/or access professional support. If your children are school-aged, contacting their teacher or a school counsellor may be helpful.
There are many services out there and we recommend finding organisations and/or people you feel comfortable with (if you can).
Parentline (1300 1300 52) is a free telephone advice and referral helpline for parents of children under 18 years of age. You can ring between 9am and 4.30pm for telephone counselling and advice if you’re feeling stuck, and they can refer you to other services, such as parenting courses, in your area.
If you’re needing assistance with separation, child support and child support issues, this can be very complex and daunting.
You can reach out to your local community legal centre or legal aid, to see what legal support is available to you.
The Child Support Agency helps separated parents manage their child support responsibilities by working actively with parents to help them make the best arrangements for them and their children. Call 13 12 72.
The Family Court of Australia provides mediation, dispute resolution and counselling for couples going through separation. They assist separating couples to reach agreement on custody, child support and other arrangements without going through the courts. They can also make orders for children to live with other family members where child protection isn’t involved.
If you’re in NSW, you can contact CRC’s Telephone Information and Referral Service (TIRS) on (02) 9288 8700 to find services in your area for all the above situations.
If you’re returning to your partner:
Picking up where you left off in a relationship may be more difficult than you expect. You and your partner will have adjusted to living apart, so it's understandable that you both may feel anxious about living together again. You may not be sure how to get started with everyday things like having sex and working out money.
The key is to talk to your partner about your thoughts and any uncertainties you have before you get out, and to keep talking after your release. It’s easy to get carried away inside prison with ideas about what your lives will look like when you get back together; if your partner tells you you’re being unrealistic or getting carried away, listen!
Any problems you had in your relationship before you went to prison will probably still be there when you get out.
If, for example, your relationship was violent or there were lots of arguments, you may find these patterns return after your release, even though you may have hoped things would change. If things aren’t working out, it’s important to seek help.
You can contact Relationships Australia at 1300 364 277 or Interrelate at 1300 473 528. They provide relationship and family counselling, couples counselling and family counselling and mediation.
1800 RESPECT is also a 24 hour national service for domestic or family violence and abuse. Contact them on 1800 737 732.
A relationship that starts in prison can be very intense, because you often have a lot of time to focus on it, and very few distractions. Even if you know each other really well, spending more time with each other outside of prison means you will learn a lot more about your partner; maybe some things that you weren’t expecting.
You may feel prison has changed you, or you may be confused by your feelings and behaviour. Being withdrawn or having mood swings and angry outbursts are common after being released. It’s all part of the difficult process of readjusting from prison life to family life. Suddenly you’re faced with a whole new set of demands, which may impact your moods.
It’s important to know that what helps people survive in prison may be unhelpful back home. In prison, violence and intimidation are often used to ‘solve’ conflict. At home, those tactics could destroy your relationship with your family and land you back inside. Having the skill to listen and communicate openly are essential to maintaining a good relationship with your partner, family and friends.
If you do find yourself having problems, relationship or family counselling can help. Don’t wait until your relationship is on the rocks or your family is falling apart. It’s better to see someone early, when things are easier to resolve.
Living with parents after your release can have practical, emotional and financial advantages, but it can also be stressful. Parents of people released from prison often worry that their child is going to reoffend or use drugs again. They often try to control them or monitor their behaviour. If your parents do this, remember, it’s because they care about you.
However, feeling that you’re being watched over, or that your parents don’t trust you, can be hard. You can even feel tempted to do something rash just to break out. Remember, the decision not to reoffend or use drugs is about what you want for your life. You’re not doing it for them.
Tell your parents what’s helpful and not helpful for you in terms of their support. It may be useful for them to hear from you how their actions are affecting you.
Remember that while you live in your parents’ house it’s reasonable for them to expect you to live by their rules. If you can’t do this, then you’ll need to look for your own place.
People often really look forward to returning to their family after prison. But many people say that after the ‘honeymoon period’ is over, it can be difficult.
Children can react in lots of different ways when a parent comes home from prison. They may be extremely happy, but they also may be upset and confused because you were away for so long. Younger children may not remember a time when you were at home with them. Older children may have taken on family responsibilities, and for a time may resent the changes that come with their mother or father returning home.
Remember, they need to hear from you that you love them. Try not to be too hurt if they give you a hard time. They won’t understand that you didn’t mean to go to prison, and they may feel that you’ve let them down. Listen and try to understand how your children feel rather than being defensive. They’ll settle down if you can be patient and are prepared to work to regain their trust.
Perhaps some other family member took on the parenting role while you were in prison. You may need to regain their trust, as well as your children’s, as you and the person who has been looking after your children work out exactly what roles each of you will play in your children’s lives.
If your child was placed in their care through a court order, you may benefit from legal advice to find out what steps are involved in resuming care for your children.
In prison, the one thing you have control over is your cell. If your cell was always spotless, you may find it difficult to cope with children who leave toys everywhere and make a huge mess. It can help to remember that this is normal behaviour for children.
Remember though, while you can teach children to tidy up after themselves, you can’t stop them behaving like children. While you may have had control over the sound level in your cell, insisting on having complete control over your environment will only create more stress for you and your children.
It can be hard enough to look after yourself in the early days post-release, let alone a demanding child. Some children may become particularly ‘clingy’ when their parent returns home from prison. This may be due to their fear of being separated from you again.
It’s important to get support if you feel you or your children aren’t coping. Don’t wait until things build up to the point where you lash out, take drugs or do something else that might hurt you or your children.
Reach out to family and friends, and/or access professional support. If your children are school-aged, contacting their teacher or a school counsellor may be helpful.
There are many services out there and we recommend finding organisations and/or people you feel comfortable with (if you can).
Parentline (1300 1300 52) is a free telephone advice and referral helpline for parents of children under 18 years of age. You can ring between 9am and 4.30pm for telephone counselling and advice if you’re feeling stuck, and they can refer you to other services, such as parenting courses, in your area.
If you’re needing assistance with separation, child support and child support issues, this can be very complex and daunting.
You can reach out to your local community legal centre or legal aid, to see what legal support is available to you.
The Child Support Agency helps separated parents manage their child support responsibilities by working actively with parents to help them make the best arrangements for them and their children. Call 13 12 72.
The Family Court of Australia provides mediation, dispute resolution and counselling for couples going through separation. They assist separating couples to reach agreement on custody, child support and other arrangements without going through the courts. They can also make orders for children to live with other family members where child protection isn’t involved.
If you’re in NSW, you can contact CRC’s Telephone Information and Referral Service (TIRS) on (02) 9288 8700 to find services in your area for all the above situations.
Homelessness is often the biggest worry that people have when being released from custody. A lot of people leave prison not sure of where they will live. This section gives a rough outline of how people can look for homelessness services and different types of accommodation.
Getting a job after prison is hard for most people. If you had a job before you went in, you may not be able to go back to it, or you might not want to.
For many of us, the idea of re-entering society after incarceration can feel like standing at a crossroad, unsure of which way to go.
We all need identification. Identification (or ID) is a document that proves who you are.
I was released about four weeks ago and I was quite stressed. To be completely honest, I didn't really want to leave. The truth is, I loved prison and it became part of my identity.
Getting a job after prison is hard for most people. If you had a job before you went in, you may not be able to go back to it, or you might not want to.
For many of us, the idea of re-entering society after incarceration can feel like standing at a crossroad, unsure of which way to go.
As well as feeling excited about your release, you may also be feeling fearful that something will go wrong so that your release will be delayed, or that you won’t be able to make it once you’re released.
Help us get About Time off the ground. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
Help us get About Time off the ground. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
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