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It’s normal to feel anxiety or ‘gate fever’ as the date of your release approaches. This is more likely the longer you’ve been inside. As well as feeling excited about your release, you may also be feeling fearful that something will go wrong so that your release will be delayed, or that you won’t be able to make it once you’re released. You may even notice physical signs of anxiety, like difficulty sleeping, obsessive thoughts or feelings of agitation and restlessness.
Here are some tips about dealing with the emotional side of being released.
You may feel like everyone can tell you’ve been in prison and that they have you marked out. But after a while you will realise that most people are too busy thinking about what’s going on for themselves to pay much attention to any signs you feel may give away where you’ve been. You will gradually stop feeling so separate and different and worried that people will find out.
In prison you learn to look away so no one will get the wrong idea and think you want to take them on. It may feel uncomfortable when people look you in the eye when you get out, and it will likely take some time for you to adjust to this. Remind yourself that it’s normal for people to look you in the eye now that you’re out.
It can be difficult to respond to behaviour that feels personal when you’re released, when a lot of what happens on the inside has been personal.
When things don’t go your way, it can help to pause and think about what else might have caused the situation, like “they’re having a bad day”, “they don’t know me”, or “I know I did what I could”. This can help you distance yourself and not take things personally.
Driving away from prison at 60kph may feel like speeding, and even crossing the road can be a challenge, so take things slowly, and be careful until you get used to it all again.
You may have to unlearn lots of things you did in prison to make sure you were safe. When out in public, you may need to learn to relax, and not check everybody out to see where they are and what they are going to do.
Pace yourself and don’t try to do everything at once.
You may feel anxious around other people and not want to go out much. Try going out once a day, even just to go to the shops, or go for a walk, and after a while it may get easier to go to more places and stay out for longer.
This can be anxiety-provoking, as on the inside, most of your decisions were made for you and you may be out of practice. Let others help you and try not to worry too much about getting things right all the time. It can take a long time to get used to having so many choices and deciding for yourself again.
If anxiety or depression are making it hard to get on with life, see a doctor and talk to them about what you’re experiencing and what may work best for you. It may be helpful for you to take prescription medication for a period of time,or to talk through your feelings with a doctor, a counselor or health professional. While using drugs or alcohol may make you feel better for a brief time, they are not helpful or sustainable long-term..
Signs that you may be anxious include:
You can expect to have some of these feelings as you adjust to life outside. However, if you find these feelings go on for more than a couple of months, or become so severe that you’re unable to function as you normally would (feed yourself, meet parole commitments, etc), then seek help. Talk to your doctor or a social worker you trust. You can also call the services at the end of this article.
After you leave prison you may have lots of reasons to lose your cool, especially in the first few months when plans might fall through, people don’t understand what you’re adjusting to, or you have to wait for things you need now.
Keeping your cool can help you keep your freedom. If you can find ways to avoid “getting aggro” with others, it’s worth it in the long run. It may help to:
There’s plenty to be frustrated about when you come out of prison. Particularly in the first couple of months, you may find yourself under intense pressure. Things will go wrong, fall through, or take longer than expected. You may feel like you’re constantly hitting your head against a brick wall. If you ‘lose it’ and lash out at someone, whether it’s your partner, your kids, a social worker, or someone at the pub who you think is looking at you the wrong way, the consequences may see you end up back inside. Here are some tips from people who’ve found ways to keep their cool, even when times are tough.
You just get worked up if you let yourself think things like “they’ve got it coming to them”. Instead, say to yourself “I won’t let this get to me”, “I can handle this”, or just “chill”. Positive self-talk can help you to stay calm.
Think about what will happen if you lose your cool and remind yourself there’s no way you want to lose your freedom. Then when you’ve walked away, give yourself a little pat on the back for keeping it together.
Sometimes you’ll just have to walk away from the situation. Go somewhere else, or for a walk until you feel calmer.
If you take some deep, slow breaths, it can really help calm you down. If you notice yourself getting worked up because you start breathing faster, stop and take 10 slow, calm breaths.
Learn to read your warning signs, so you can remove yourself from the situation, or if you can’t leave, try to calm things down. Warning signs can be when you hear your voice getting louder, or you start to feel hot and sweaty. Knowing how your body reacts, and recognising your response, can help you take action to calm down and stay in control.
Acknowledge that it takes a really strong person to be in control of their feelings and take charge of their life, and that makes you strong for trying. If you let other people wind you up, you’re really just letting them run your show.
Be assertive, rather than aggressive. This means talking about what you want, without shouting at people or trying to scare or threaten them. You don’t have to use force to get your point across. Being assertive but not aggressive can lead to people engaging with you more and you getting what you need or want, because they don’t feel frightened or threatened.
Find activities that help you relax. This could be working out, walking, swimming, participating in a sport or finding a hobby that keeps your mind and hands occupied, like painting, wood work or gardening. Finding activities that relax you can help you to feel focused and calm, and channel your energy into something positive. Be prepared.
Try to think ahead and avoid problems. If you’re already feeling worked up, try to stay away from people and places that might make you feel worse. If you know that you have to go somewhere or do something that might stress you out, take some time to relax first to help you have a clear head and a calm attitude.
Services that can help you:
It’s normal to feel anxiety or ‘gate fever’ as the date of your release approaches. This is more likely the longer you’ve been inside. As well as feeling excited about your release, you may also be feeling fearful that something will go wrong so that your release will be delayed, or that you won’t be able to make it once you’re released. You may even notice physical signs of anxiety, like difficulty sleeping, obsessive thoughts or feelings of agitation and restlessness.
Here are some tips about dealing with the emotional side of being released.
You may feel like everyone can tell you’ve been in prison and that they have you marked out. But after a while you will realise that most people are too busy thinking about what’s going on for themselves to pay much attention to any signs you feel may give away where you’ve been. You will gradually stop feeling so separate and different and worried that people will find out.
In prison you learn to look away so no one will get the wrong idea and think you want to take them on. It may feel uncomfortable when people look you in the eye when you get out, and it will likely take some time for you to adjust to this. Remind yourself that it’s normal for people to look you in the eye now that you’re out.
It can be difficult to respond to behaviour that feels personal when you’re released, when a lot of what happens on the inside has been personal.
When things don’t go your way, it can help to pause and think about what else might have caused the situation, like “they’re having a bad day”, “they don’t know me”, or “I know I did what I could”. This can help you distance yourself and not take things personally.
Driving away from prison at 60kph may feel like speeding, and even crossing the road can be a challenge, so take things slowly, and be careful until you get used to it all again.
You may have to unlearn lots of things you did in prison to make sure you were safe. When out in public, you may need to learn to relax, and not check everybody out to see where they are and what they are going to do.
Pace yourself and don’t try to do everything at once.
You may feel anxious around other people and not want to go out much. Try going out once a day, even just to go to the shops, or go for a walk, and after a while it may get easier to go to more places and stay out for longer.
This can be anxiety-provoking, as on the inside, most of your decisions were made for you and you may be out of practice. Let others help you and try not to worry too much about getting things right all the time. It can take a long time to get used to having so many choices and deciding for yourself again.
If anxiety or depression are making it hard to get on with life, see a doctor and talk to them about what you’re experiencing and what may work best for you. It may be helpful for you to take prescription medication for a period of time,or to talk through your feelings with a doctor, a counselor or health professional. While using drugs or alcohol may make you feel better for a brief time, they are not helpful or sustainable long-term..
Signs that you may be anxious include:
You can expect to have some of these feelings as you adjust to life outside. However, if you find these feelings go on for more than a couple of months, or become so severe that you’re unable to function as you normally would (feed yourself, meet parole commitments, etc), then seek help. Talk to your doctor or a social worker you trust. You can also call the services at the end of this article.
After you leave prison you may have lots of reasons to lose your cool, especially in the first few months when plans might fall through, people don’t understand what you’re adjusting to, or you have to wait for things you need now.
Keeping your cool can help you keep your freedom. If you can find ways to avoid “getting aggro” with others, it’s worth it in the long run. It may help to:
There’s plenty to be frustrated about when you come out of prison. Particularly in the first couple of months, you may find yourself under intense pressure. Things will go wrong, fall through, or take longer than expected. You may feel like you’re constantly hitting your head against a brick wall. If you ‘lose it’ and lash out at someone, whether it’s your partner, your kids, a social worker, or someone at the pub who you think is looking at you the wrong way, the consequences may see you end up back inside. Here are some tips from people who’ve found ways to keep their cool, even when times are tough.
You just get worked up if you let yourself think things like “they’ve got it coming to them”. Instead, say to yourself “I won’t let this get to me”, “I can handle this”, or just “chill”. Positive self-talk can help you to stay calm.
Think about what will happen if you lose your cool and remind yourself there’s no way you want to lose your freedom. Then when you’ve walked away, give yourself a little pat on the back for keeping it together.
Sometimes you’ll just have to walk away from the situation. Go somewhere else, or for a walk until you feel calmer.
If you take some deep, slow breaths, it can really help calm you down. If you notice yourself getting worked up because you start breathing faster, stop and take 10 slow, calm breaths.
Learn to read your warning signs, so you can remove yourself from the situation, or if you can’t leave, try to calm things down. Warning signs can be when you hear your voice getting louder, or you start to feel hot and sweaty. Knowing how your body reacts, and recognising your response, can help you take action to calm down and stay in control.
Acknowledge that it takes a really strong person to be in control of their feelings and take charge of their life, and that makes you strong for trying. If you let other people wind you up, you’re really just letting them run your show.
Be assertive, rather than aggressive. This means talking about what you want, without shouting at people or trying to scare or threaten them. You don’t have to use force to get your point across. Being assertive but not aggressive can lead to people engaging with you more and you getting what you need or want, because they don’t feel frightened or threatened.
Find activities that help you relax. This could be working out, walking, swimming, participating in a sport or finding a hobby that keeps your mind and hands occupied, like painting, wood work or gardening. Finding activities that relax you can help you to feel focused and calm, and channel your energy into something positive. Be prepared.
Try to think ahead and avoid problems. If you’re already feeling worked up, try to stay away from people and places that might make you feel worse. If you know that you have to go somewhere or do something that might stress you out, take some time to relax first to help you have a clear head and a calm attitude.
Services that can help you:
Feeling isolated and lonely is very common after you’ve left prison. In prison you didn’t expect to open up to people and enjoy their company. Now you’re outside, it takes time to relax and be friendly to people.
Homelessness is often the biggest worry that people have when being released from custody. A lot of people leave prison not sure of where they will live. This section gives a rough outline of how people can look for homelessness services and different types of accommodation.
If you’re returning to your partner, it’s normal to feel anxious about living together again. Talk about your hopes and plans before release and keep talking once you go home. Listen to them, and get help early if you’re having relationship problems.
If I had found freedom in prison, then what was even the point trying to fit in with society?
At first, it felt like nobody wanted to give me a chance. But, eventually, one employer took a chance on me. That warehouse job may not have looked like much to others, but to me it was everything: it gave me purpose, structure and, most of all, hope.
Prison is endured, not processed. The trauma often goes unrecognised and unacknowledged. Many of us hide the damage, even from ourselves. Without validation, we carry it alone – mistaking struggle for weakness, layering self-blame on top of trauma and finding no clear path to relief.
Simon Fenech is the General Manager/Director at social enterprise Fruit2Work in Victoria. His transformation from a drug addict, buried deep in Australia’s criminal underworld, to an inspirational figure, intent on changing the lives of others, is remarkable.
Release can feel like a distant flicker – filled with both hope and uncertainty. But, when the gates open, freedom isn’t just liberating; it can be overwhelming.
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