Walking out of jail here in Perth wasn’t the moment my life changed. I found myself back in two weeks – back in green, back in Hakea prison on remand again. I didn’t realise it at the time but this would be the start of me spending the next three years of my life in prison. I was only 18 years old – young, dumb and addicted to gear. The cycle had begun.

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Since the age of 15, I’d been in and out of court getting charged for stolen cars, aggravated burglaries – but I never actually got locked up until I was 18. I just kept getting curfews, intensive supervision orders, reporting three times a week, drug and alcohol tests – the whole lot.

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Being addicted to gear at such a young age fueled a lot of the crime and at that time, I was at the start of what would become a 10 year battle with the needle. Once I turned 18, I got locked up pretty much straight away and started 12 months of going in and out of jail on remand.

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I was in this toxic cycle I’d created for myself where I would get out, do good for like a week, get straight back on the gear, breach whatever I had hanging over my head and end up with a warrant for my arrest out again. I reckon I went in and out of Hakea prison about four times over those 12 months before getting slapped with two years.

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This was not a good way for me to start out my adult life where most people are finishing up their apprenticeships and going traveling or saving for a first home. I was starting my jail experience with a dirty addiction and not realising how far I was setting myself back. At the time, a lot of my mates were caught up in the same cycle as I was and where I grew up on the north side of the river in Perth was flooded with gear – the reality of it was most people I knew or grew up with were on the gear, selling gear or involved with drugs and crime somehow.

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So all of this was kind of normal to be honest and as I was in jail with the boys from the outside – it didn’t really hit me what had happened until my parole was denied and my two mates were moved on to other prisons – for the first time I was in jail by myself.

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I guess this was the wake up call I had needed. The truth of it was I was addicted to the group of friends I had as well. Looking back I was weak and seeking validation in all the wrong places. I guess I was scared of trying to be different from the group of friends I was involved in because without all of the drugs and crime, who was I?

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I found myself searching more and more like who I really am. I started reading a lot – like a lot. I also got a unit job as the wing cleaner and started saving for a stereo and making plans for my release. After about three months of being quiet and reading, training and playing a lot of chop, I had grown and I was making small progress and then randomly I finally got my security rating dropped to medium. I could go to Acacia with the boys again.

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And bang, just like that, any progress I had made prior was gone, all the reading, all the planning and even my little savings had gone as well. I could get whatever I wanted up on the hill out there. It was like being free. There were meat packs full of cable weight gym and a school proper little library. I remember thinking this is too easy, like for real.

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At Casuarina in the max where I had done 18 months prior we got proper slop food every night and so with this extra freedom I started to unravel again.

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It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was strong by myself but weak when surrounded by my friends and temptations. I started going to school again and did my year 10, 11 and 12 in the little school in Acacia which kept me away from the units but any time that a chance came up I took it.

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I didn’t get clean for another five years after getting out – so it took me nearly eight full years to acknowledge the first positive thoughts I had about my growth as a person.

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I have written this article in hopes that someone reads it and hears this message: the change comes from within. There is no one and nothing that will change for you – not the birth of a child, not a high paying job, not the woman of your wildest dreams. It doesn’t work like that.

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If you want to break your cycle, it’s lonely and it’s hard. It’s also scary to cut off friends and family – but the truth is, if you stand alone with a vision of a better life, you will win.

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It’s not about getting it done quickly and seeing huge changes straight away. Focus on small achievable goals and appreciate the days you’re free. Remember what that feels like the next time you’re gonna commit crimes or make silly decisions – the only person who can give you another chance is you!

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You deserve more from yourself than living as a number is the system – it’s a waste of your life. You could be free to build your life with your family – think about it like that. This is your life and you only get one, don’t waste it sitting in a box.