Facing the darkness, the pain and cold travelling through the body, the soul taking me back to when I played alone when hell exists, the place my home I spend years, months, days wearing the mask trying to pretend there is no fear or pain

That I am happy, feel loved, nurtured at peace, strong, brave, carefree.

Masks are meant to protect not hide the anguish, the pain, suffering, hurt.

The struggle, the desire, the longing, want for a kind word, a gentle touch

The feeling of being wanted, needed, loved

Feelings that have been far from my soul so long, too long

They are barely echoes, the memories the times from long ago when I felt happy, loved, nurtured, strong, brave

Now I feel numb, cold, alone, afraid, weak

The darkness returns.