Australia's National
Prison Newspaper

Australia's National
Prison Newspaper

Welcome to About Time

About Time is the national newspaper for Australian prisons and detention facilities

Your browser window currently does not have enough height, or is zoomed in too far to view our website content correctly. Once the window reaches the minimum required height or zoom percentage, the content will display automatically.

Alternatively, you can learn more via the links below.

Donations via GiveNow

Email

Instagram

LinkedIn

ISSUE NO. 11

AUGUST 2024

Donate Here

Creative

Jesus DMC – Based on a True Story

By

John

John writes from Port Phillip Prison, Victoria.

Eric Stoynov via Unsplash

Font Size
Font Size
Line Height
Line Height
Dyslexia Friendly
Black & White
Hide Images
Night Mode

This is a story about Jesus DMC (Da Mouse Christ).

Rob (my cellie) and I were about to go to sleep one miserable cold night, and a mouse (Jesus DMC) died and went up to the pearly gates and knocked. St Peter opened the gates and said, “Ahh, Jesus DMC, I’ve been waiting for you. Tell me, what happened to you? I really want to know.”

Jesus DMC said, “Well, I broke into Port Phillip Prison, ya know. One miserable cold night, ya know. And snuck into a cell, ya know. And there was a spare bed, ya know. So I stashed myself under it, ya know. And there were two green blokes in there, ya know. One Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke, ya know. And a Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, ya know”

St Peter stood in front of the gates and said, “Hmm, please please us Jesus DMC and tell us more.”

Da Mouse Christ continued. “Well, then the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine chucked what appeared to be half a sweet biscuit near the door, ya know. And it looked okay, so I took a bite, ya know. I was right and it was half a sweet biscuit, you know. So I continued to eat it, ya know. Gotta fuel the machine, ya know what I mean?”

The question was rhetorical and the mouse continued being allegorical, saying “and so the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, looked at the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke and went ‘shh!’ and pointed at me, ya know. Then the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke picked up a great big huge green shoe and went to piff it at me, ya know. But the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine shook his head, ya know. So whilst I was watching, the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke put the great big huge green shoe back on the floor.

“Tell me more!” said St Peter.

“Well, then the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine snuck off behind the other bed and got himself his own little prison, ya know. It was one of those little round green bin things. He put it over the top of me and I panicked, ya know. I put my tiny little hand on my tiny little neck and my tiny little heart was going like a bat outta hell, ya know. Suddenly, I felt myself rising up and looking down, ya know. All I could see was me lying on my back with my tiny little legs pointing up, ya know. Then I heard the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke and the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, laughing! And so, I ended up here with you, ya know.”

St Peter then said, ‘That sounds a bit far fetched son, but come in anyway. I believe you.”

The End.

This is a story about Jesus DMC (Da Mouse Christ).

Rob (my cellie) and I were about to go to sleep one miserable cold night, and a mouse (Jesus DMC) died and went up to the pearly gates and knocked. St Peter opened the gates and said, “Ahh, Jesus DMC, I’ve been waiting for you. Tell me, what happened to you? I really want to know.”

Jesus DMC said, “Well, I broke into Port Phillip Prison, ya know. One miserable cold night, ya know. And snuck into a cell, ya know. And there was a spare bed, ya know. So I stashed myself under it, ya know. And there were two green blokes in there, ya know. One Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke, ya know. And a Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, ya know”

St Peter stood in front of the gates and said, “Hmm, please please us Jesus DMC and tell us more.”

Da Mouse Christ continued. “Well, then the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine chucked what appeared to be half a sweet biscuit near the door, ya know. And it looked okay, so I took a bite, ya know. I was right and it was half a sweet biscuit, you know. So I continued to eat it, ya know. Gotta fuel the machine, ya know what I mean?”

The question was rhetorical and the mouse continued being allegorical, saying “and so the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, looked at the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke and went ‘shh!’ and pointed at me, ya know. Then the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke picked up a great big huge green shoe and went to piff it at me, ya know. But the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine shook his head, ya know. So whilst I was watching, the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke put the great big huge green shoe back on the floor.

“Tell me more!” said St Peter.

“Well, then the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine snuck off behind the other bed and got himself his own little prison, ya know. It was one of those little round green bin things. He put it over the top of me and I panicked, ya know. I put my tiny little hand on my tiny little neck and my tiny little heart was going like a bat outta hell, ya know. Suddenly, I felt myself rising up and looking down, ya know. All I could see was me lying on my back with my tiny little legs pointing up, ya know. Then I heard the Great Big Fat Huge Green Bloke and the Shifty Looking Little Green Bloke with a furry face like mine, laughing! And so, I ended up here with you, ya know.”

St Peter then said, ‘That sounds a bit far fetched son, but come in anyway. I believe you.”

The End.

Leave a Comment

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
0 Comments
Author Name
Comment Time

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Suspendisse varius enim in eros elementum tristique. Duis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare, eros dolor interdum nulla, ut commodo diam libero vitae erat. Aenean faucibus nibh et justo cursus id rutrum lorem imperdiet. Nunc ut sem vitae risus tristique posuere. uis cursus, mi quis viverra ornare, eros dolor interdum nulla, ut commodo diam libero vitae erat. Aenean faucibus nibh et justo cursus id rutrum lorem imperdiet. Nunc ut sem vitae risus tristique posuere.

She'll Be Apples

By Angela

This image depicts the wild woman and the apple tree. It is inspired by the character 'Aofie' in this year's production.

Creative

ISSUE NO. 9

2 MIN READ

Love Worshipful (a Midnight Repose)

By Jon

Some say Love is overrated. It has no relevance anymore I say. I know more than love unbound, I can make these prayerful sounds.

Creative

ISSUE NO. 9

3 MIN READ

Boredom

By Bukks

Here we are again, this day is just the same as last, I've done all I can do and yet it seems no time has passed.

Creative

ISSUE NO. 9

3 MIN READ

My Heart, My Soul

By Amaka

What filled my days before, I do not know. I have so much love within me, from inside my heart I glow.

Creative

ISSUE NO. 9

2 MIN READ

Get the full paper in print each month.

6-Month Subscription:

Physical copy of About Time delivered to your home or organisation each month for six months. Paid upfront.

Subscribe for $70

12-Month Subscription:

Physical copy of About Time delivered to your home or organisation each month for twelve months. Paid upfront.

Subscribe for $125

Newsletter

Be the first to learn about our monthly stories, plus new initiatives and live events

You've successfully registered!
Something went wrong when we tried to register your details. Please try again.

Support Australia's first national prison newspaper

A place for news and education, expression and hope.

Help keep the momentum going. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.

It's
About Time.

A place for news and education, expression and hope.

Help us get About Time off the ground. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.

Donate Here

Newsletter

Be the first to learn about our monthly stories, plus new initiatives and live events

You've successfully registered!
Something went wrong when we tried to register your details. Please try again.