I think back to most of the times I have committed crimes which led to being held in custody and what my thoughts have been leading up to my release and what my thoughts and actions have been upon release. And what has truly led me to end up in custody so much and so recently, so repeatedly. 

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I am definitely noticing a revolving door in my life with one side being prison. It is a wedge in my life that only I have driven. If I have created it then I can dismantle it. I know I have to get real and start critically thinking as to how I am going to stop. 

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I know that my past is catching up with me and I must be capable of redirecting my drive in life. In the past I’ve listened to prison yard advice, but it does not sit well anymore. 

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I have recently learned more about behaviours and what my behaviours mean to me. My past behaviour has been a majority of my impulsive self, a pattern so extensive it has imbedded a habitual state of mind. It saddens me because I can remember this being my way back to my childhood. No matter, it's something I must take ownership of and accept. I know it's the only way I can process such and move forward. 

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My past has definitely been a massive motivation for me to dig deep to better myself. I'm exhausted. Growth and consequential thinking have definitely sparked such attitude and I'm glad to be in good spirits. 

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Also, my girlfriend is about to give birth to my 2nd child which I am sure is also triggering me to become mindful of the reality that faces me, my future. 

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I feel I have already failed my first child. I can't just go on having a child failing and failing again. 

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I strongly feel I am at a pinnacle in my life. My heart can't contend going on like I have. I have learnt that no matter who you are, we all need a support network, whether it be personal or professional. 

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I do have a personal support network that is filled with love. That being my parents, that they have unconditional love for me, even though I am exhausting them. 

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My girlfriend is an amazing person; she does not condone drugs, crime and staying out late every night. I can't agree more as I know it gets me nowhere. It is something I feel passionate about enduring. 

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I also have my employer who also supports myself and my girlfriend. My position at his place of work waits for my return. He is also a mentor and a good friend. His support is also limited as he wants a reliable and drug-free employee. I accept that because I can't afford to lose these kinds of people from my life. 

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These are the people that I am proud to say I have attracted in my life. They are from the right choices I have made. I have never been so focused and felt so mature and so real in my life. 

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I am driven to continue to strive toward my true self. I am determined to be a lawful and loving man and part of society.