Being sober feels like getting high used to.
I was scared to come to jail and get clean after 14 years of using ice daily; how would I function or get anything done, make any friends, stay slim? In my mind ice is meant to make you faster, more motivated, more social, more productive and less depressed, yes? It turns out in the end it was doing the opposite! Getting clean seems like the scariest thing ever until you just do it, and then it’s not scary at all – actually quite refreshing!
I’ve got so much clarity, everything seems easier – of course everything’s going to be hard when you’re munted and off your head all the time! I’m more motivated and productive than ever, and actually able to complete tasks instead of half doing 16 things poorly.
I’ve got no idea why I was so busy before my incarceration. I don’t work or have a partner or kids or any responsibilities really and yet I was always run off my feet always doing something and yet never getting anything done!
I’m happier than ever and the least depressed and anxious I’ve ever been in my adult life. In fact, I’m feeling all emotions more passionately and intensely – it’s refreshing no longer being numb – and I’ve even grown my empathy back! I’m way more social – I spent the last couple of years cooped up inside my house predominantly alone, a nervous wreck with my mind clouded with doom and gloom.
In hindsight, the year before my incarceration was more of a prison sentence than this one locked up has been!
I feel hopeful and happy for the first time in over a decade. Everything is light, easier, brighter, better, sparkling sober.
