My name is Axel and I’m a raging nerd! The Pikachu and Adventure Time tattoos prove that. I am back in prison for my second go-around.
I was out for six months in July 2023, before giving up and coming back in for another 12 months. In 2019, I did four and a half years, all this through the torment of Covid-19 and being placed in a terrible prison. When I was released in 2023, I was told, “Good luck. Here are some numbers for you to call,” and sent on my way. The support worker changed every two weeks so I ended up just not talking to them again. I bounced from place to place for two months before finding something semi-permanent. That only lasted two months.
My mental health declined. Nobody would give me a chance. Nowhere would hire me. Nobody understood. I went on dates while I was out, trying to feel loved again, but anxiety just pushed everyone away. I confided in someone, eventually being honest with her, only to have her ghost me. I expected it, but it hurt.
Nobody understood that what I did then is not who I am now.
I woke up everyday waiting for the police to barge in and eventually they did. Now, I thought, I could finally sleep without anxiety. It was then I realised I am institutionalised.
This place, prison, is safer than the real world. Here, I can stop worrying about life’s expectations. However, I am awfully lonely. I have nobody on the outside, only my father who is in the UK. I Zoom him often.
All of my friends abandoned me upon my first incarceration, and the two friends I have are going through their own struggles at the moment, so I don’t want to burden them.
I am due to leave here soon, but I again have nowhere to live and I know nobody that I can turn to. To say I am terrified wouldn’t begin to describe how I’m feeling. I don’t want to leave. In the December 2024 issue, there’s an article that describes “Gate Fever”. This is the perfect article for my situation. I don’t want to leave only to mess up and come back. I would rather just stay here and remain comfortable.
The differences or positives this time is that I am seeing a psychologist and in an AOD program, as well as having Vacro in my corner stronger than before. I am not ungrateful for the help. I’m worried that it’s my own low self-esteem that’s going to get the better of me. Hopefully my headspace will be better. I miss so much about being out.
I would also like to mention the ‘Pen Pal’ article by Denham Sadler. This spoke to me in waves. As someone that has nobody to speak to on the outside, a pen pal system would work wonders.
When I get out, I am going to use my skills as a songwriter/performer to start a business and entertain people. I will look forward to seeing future issues and reading about people’s journeys through their hardship.
I will continue to read About Time and contribute, as I thoroughly enjoy reading people’s stories and writing to others.
Thank you for reading and never stop smiling.
My name is Axel and I’m a raging nerd! The Pikachu and Adventure Time tattoos prove that. I am back in prison for my second go-around.
I was out for six months in July 2023, before giving up and coming back in for another 12 months. In 2019, I did four and a half years, all this through the torment of Covid-19 and being placed in a terrible prison. When I was released in 2023, I was told, “Good luck. Here are some numbers for you to call,” and sent on my way. The support worker changed every two weeks so I ended up just not talking to them again. I bounced from place to place for two months before finding something semi-permanent. That only lasted two months.
My mental health declined. Nobody would give me a chance. Nowhere would hire me. Nobody understood. I went on dates while I was out, trying to feel loved again, but anxiety just pushed everyone away. I confided in someone, eventually being honest with her, only to have her ghost me. I expected it, but it hurt.
Nobody understood that what I did then is not who I am now.
I woke up everyday waiting for the police to barge in and eventually they did. Now, I thought, I could finally sleep without anxiety. It was then I realised I am institutionalised.
This place, prison, is safer than the real world. Here, I can stop worrying about life’s expectations. However, I am awfully lonely. I have nobody on the outside, only my father who is in the UK. I Zoom him often.
All of my friends abandoned me upon my first incarceration, and the two friends I have are going through their own struggles at the moment, so I don’t want to burden them.
I am due to leave here soon, but I again have nowhere to live and I know nobody that I can turn to. To say I am terrified wouldn’t begin to describe how I’m feeling. I don’t want to leave. In the December 2024 issue, there’s an article that describes “Gate Fever”. This is the perfect article for my situation. I don’t want to leave only to mess up and come back. I would rather just stay here and remain comfortable.
The differences or positives this time is that I am seeing a psychologist and in an AOD program, as well as having Vacro in my corner stronger than before. I am not ungrateful for the help. I’m worried that it’s my own low self-esteem that’s going to get the better of me. Hopefully my headspace will be better. I miss so much about being out.
I would also like to mention the ‘Pen Pal’ article by Denham Sadler. This spoke to me in waves. As someone that has nobody to speak to on the outside, a pen pal system would work wonders.
When I get out, I am going to use my skills as a songwriter/performer to start a business and entertain people. I will look forward to seeing future issues and reading about people’s journeys through their hardship.
I will continue to read About Time and contribute, as I thoroughly enjoy reading people’s stories and writing to others.
Thank you for reading and never stop smiling.
Your contributions are the centerpiece of the paper. If you would like to contribute to our Letters section, please send your letters to the below postal address:
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When I paint, I'm not in prison anymore. I'm lost for hours in my artwork.
I’d think there are a lot of inmates looking for someone to talk to, for some people it might help with the healing process.
Since having my first ever grandson nearly 3 years ago now, it’s made me realise that I not only want to change, but I need to do it not only for myself but for my family.
My name is Jean. I am a wiry spitfire, 65 years young, and incarcerated for the past 24 years with a L.W.O.P. (Life Without Parole) sentence.
Help keep the momentum going. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
Help us get About Time off the ground. All donations are tax deductible and will be vital in providing an essential resource for people in prison and their loved ones.
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